Tonight we begin our virtual conversation about The Book of Joy, a joint project of Archbishop Desmond Tutu, His Holiness the Dalai Lama, and other collaborators.
We will discuss the first section tonight, but let me give you a taste from a later chapter.
The Dalai Lama, exiled most of his life in India because of Chinese cruelties in Tibet, and the Archbishop, who led the Truth and Reconciliation Commission in South Africa following apartheid, are speaking about what forgiveness is and what it is not.
"Forgiveness," the Dalai Lama continued, "does not mean we forget.
You should remember the negative thing, but because there is a possibility to develop
hatred, we mustn't allow ourselves to be led in that direction—we choose forgiveness."
The Archbishop was also clear about this: Forgiveness does not mean you forget what someone has done, contrary to the saying "Forgive and forget."
Not reacting with negativity, or giving in to the negative emotions, does not mean you do not respond to the acts or that you allow yourself to be harmed again.
Forgiveness does not mean that you do not seek justice or that the perpetrator is not punished...
"This is where the power of forgiveness lies—not losing sight of the humanity of the person while responding to the wrong with clarity and firmness.
"We stand firm against the wrong not only to protect those who are being harmed but also to protect the person who is harming others, because eventually they, too, will suffer."
St. Paul put it this way: "Are we continue in sin that grace may abound?
By no means! – or, as one seminary professor translated it, "Hell no!"
Forgiveness does not protect or enable the sin, it removes it.
Forgiveness, even offered countless times, is not a blank check for harmful behavior.
Neither is it weakness.
"Forgiveness is a sign of strength.
Isn't it?" the Dalai Lama said, turning to the Archbishop.
"Absolutely, yes," the Archbishop said with a laugh.
"I was just going to say that those who say forgiving is a sign of weakness haven't tried it."
So it was generous, bordering on absurd, for Peter to suggest doing it seven times—he
was probably exaggerating for effect.
Jesus said to him, "Not seven times, but, I tell you, seventy-seven times," unless the Greek really means seventy times seven."
If you care which number is correct, you've missed the point.
Remember what we learned last week, when Jesus laid out the multi-step process for
dealing with conflict, from pastor Tom Long:
[This procedure's] most impressive feature is how persistent and time consuming it is.
In this process nobody is written off in haste, no one is fired on the spot, no one slams the door in another's face in rage; on the contrary, a sea of energy is expended trying, time and again, to make peace.
In contrast to the attitudes of the prevailing culture, relationships are of precious and enduring value to the church.
When a relationship is broken, it is worth going back over and over to work toward
The person is always more significant than the problem; Jesus refuses to let sin define the person or dictate the terms or determine the relationship or drive the heart.
Jesus refuses to give sin that much power.
Jesus refuses to let sin fester either in the offender's behavior or in the victim's heart.
If either party cannot let go of it, the relationship is in peril, so there remains the last resort of
drawing a firm, protective boundary: separation for the safety of everyone.<