In case of rapture, this pulpit may remain occupied.
When Jesus returns, I'm not sure he'll pick me to play on his team, because I’m too much
sinner and never enough saint.
But it's not just me that I have doubts about.
I also have my doubts about the rapture itself.
Two women will be grinding meal together; one will be taken, and one will be left.
Taken where, by whom?
Jesus doesn't say.
If I'm one of two women standing at a bar, I'm not sure I want to be the one taken.
The Christian dream date when the Son of Man strolls in to sweep the faithful off their feet holds no specific promise that we're all going straight back to Jesus' safe, well-lit townhome.
"Given the choice," said one of my seminary professors, "I'd rather stay here!"
That, of course, is faithless heresy, to hear some Christians talk.
This gospel text is a favorite of many American Christians who believe in and speculate
vigorously about The Rapture, when Jesus returns to hand-pluck the faithful off the earth
into the safety and security of heaven, a gated community.
Whether we are Bible students, sports pundits, real estate investors, or family gossips, we as
people do love to speculate.
It can be great fun trying to guess the future, and lucrative too when we get it right or capitalize on this impulse by creating a fantasy franchise with lots of blood and terror and zombies.
A few years back, the wildly popular Left Behind series of novels combined such speculation
with video game violence to mix the perfect American religious cocktail.
Diligent Scripture detectives, intent on cracking the code that God simply must have buried in the Bible encrypting the secrets of the end of the world, sift through passages like today's
gospel to try to glean clues for expert predictions on the destinies of the two women
I am struck by the weird similarity of Trinity Broadcast Network programs forecasting the end of the world and college football playoff analysis on ESPN.
The bald truth is, we want to know what's going to happen before it actually does, whether because we are control freaks who want to be prepared for it or because we are
opportunists who smell money and power to be gained from insider information.
Imagine what you could make in Vegas if you had the right day and hour for the coming of theSon of Man!
Jesus, who does not know the hour, does know his disciples, including us, well enough to warn us against our speculative tendency, which can snowball from harmless fun into idolatry and gambling addiction all too quickly.
He states it as plainly as Jesus ever states anything:
But about that day and hour no one knows, neither the angels in heaven, nor the
Son, but only the Father.
Yet earnest Bible codebreakers, many of them weaned on a literal, face-value interpretation of Scripture, somehow miss or conveniently ignore this clear statement.
It's an unwelcome truth, that God's privileged information isn't available to us, that there are hard limits on our ability to know and to control, which has basically been our problem since
Adam and Eve started the fashion industry.
And so, to mitigate our frustration—and of course our fear—we speculate.
There is yet another attractive danger to our speculating, however, which a little elementary code breaking reveals.
The word "speculates" is just another way to spell "escape lust."
Speculation transports us to an unreal future, which allows us to escape the present reality
just like the Rapture promises, rewarding the well-behaved with luxury boxes in heaven from which to watch the entertaining carnage downstairs in comfortable safety.